The Marriage Machine

Sex is the "oil" that lubricates the "machine" of marriage.  There are bigger more important parts to the marriage machine, but without the oil, there is too much friction and things will overheat, wear out and break.

Stay on the Honeymoon!

Come together again so that Satan does not tempt you...

1 Corinthians 7:2-5 

2 Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. 3 Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. Whole Chapter of 1 Corinthians chapter 7

The Biblical instructions for sex in marriage is for husband and wife to give each other the affection that is desired as often as either one wants.   That is simple and sound advice for preventing temptation, but it's amazing how we try to make it work without doing that.  According to the Word, when these needs are not met temptation will be greater.  If you are struggling with sexual temptation, maybe you need to tell your spouse.

I know this seems too simple...

But we have to believe God knew the answer to our sexual needs when He set up His creation.  HE said if a young person was burning with passion, the answer was to get married.  He said to let her breasts satisfy you all day long, not the bosom of a strange woman!  Marriage is still the answer for you.   Obviously there is a relationship or communication problem here, but it is not something insurmountable.  You CAN make it work!

If your spouse REALLY knew how desperate you were and how difficult your life has become, he/she would very likely do more to meet your needs.  Tell him/her you want to be faithful, and you know he/she is all the lover you would need, but that you have to feel wanted and desired or it's just going to drive you crazy.  Whatever your thoughts are express them honestly and completely.

First of all: Don't be crazy

Some say the definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.  If what you've been doing in the past to get him/her to show you affection hasn't worked so far, TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT!

Don't Whine

It is isn't very attractive, It would be better to "woo" and seduce, that should work a lot better than whining.

You may need to be direct

You may need to be very plain in your speech about this.  Be kind and gentle, there's no reason to blame your spouse for the whole thing.  Sure they may not have been observant about your needs, but you may not have been clear enough in expressing your needs.   You may not be able to just "drop hints", especially if that hasn't worked so far.   Find a good time, when you both are rested and reasonably unstressed, and tell him/her you have something important you need to talk about.  If they care about your marriage at all, they should be interested in helping you if you make it clear that you HAVE to have some loving!

Examine yourself

There are likely to be areas you have failed to meet your spouse's needs too!  Make an honest evaluation and ASK them.  Do what you can do to make their life wonderfulThey might not deserve it, but neither do you, that's what grace and forgiveness is all about.

What if you've tried this and you simply can't get enough affection, for whatever reason?  Here's a few tips:

Don't Compare your spouse with others

It'll do you no good, and likely do you a lot of harm!  You know you're not supposed to "lust" after someone else in your heart, or covet your neighbors wife (or husband); but did you know it often starts with comparing?

Get your own heart right with God and keep it there!

If we are constantly tempted and tossed, we likely need an attitude adjustment, or a life adjustment.  The only way you will work out communication problems and make your marriage what it should be OR the only way you will be able to live with it like it is (which may be necessary!) is if you obey the Word of God in every area of your life.  Obey, not just the  marriage verses, but obey the Word in every corner of your life.  Of course you can't be perfect in every way, but you CAN seek FIRST the Kingdom of God and you can set your affections on things above.  It is how you were created to live.

Do not be consumed with pleasing yourself or pleasing others.  Be consumed with pleasing God!  In Christ, walking in the Spirit, you have the ability!

Show Grace

You must forgive, even as God in Christ has forgiven you (Eph. 4:32).  And love your wife as Christ loves the Church.  Remember Christ loves us even though we, as his "bride", do not show Him the affection He deserves.  how often we neglect Him, and shun his embrace, yet He continues to wash us with the pure water of the Word, and love us despite of our neglect and apathy.  So to be like Him you must show your spouse that love and grace regardless of their neglect and apathy!  This is where you must, even though married, be as though you are not (1 Cor. 7:29), not in anger, cold or unfriendly, but seeking first the Kingdom of God and trusting Him "to add all these things to you" as HE sees fit.

But you can't "be like Him" just by wanting to, or by "knowing" right and wrong, you have to let Him live His life through you.

Galatians 5:16 I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.

 A consistent "walk in the Spirit" is the ultimate goal of Christian disciples.  It involves communion with God and abiding in Christ.   I think most serious followers of Christ have experienced it, but consistency is the problem.  The Bible teaches that we need each other to make it work.  

  You will always experience ups and downs in this life, but you MUST set your affections on things above...

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